Another Punny Tale

As I came rushing into the house, I reached the door handle, but missed it, swinging my arm in front of me as in an "aw-shucks" gesture. I said to my husband, "I missed the door." He replied, "Is that the bull-fighter who didn't show?"

An OLD, OLD Joke

Did you know that tennis is one of the oldest sports? Says so in the Bible. It says, “Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.”

Real Family Tree -- in the woods!

We hiked yesterday, and came across this tree which seemed to have several nests in it. I found it amusing. My husband called it a Real Family Tree. What do you think?

Substitute Teacher Nightmare

While I was a substitute teacher in Buffalo, NY, a fellow substitute told me that he rejected all jobs for either P.E. or kindergarten. Since I thought those were easy-breezy subbing days, I asked him why not. It seems that during one of his P.E. kindergarten classes, a boy got stuck in the crawl-through tube of the obstacle course. The sub couldn't talk the child in or out of it, so bent down, reached in, and pulled out... a leg. Neither the sub, nor any of the boy’s classmates knew that he had a prosthetic. I imagine all those screaming kindergartners of that day, all grown up now, still have a fear of tunnels and substitute teachers.

I Love Our Family -- Family Humor

Every family has their own sense of humor. In my original family, it was all about bathroom humor, or putting-others-down humor. Since getting married, I have moved on to a different style of humor. Naturally, our children have picked up this unique family humor as well. When we get together, quick wit and spontaneous humor flies about us. Conversation from a time when our two adult sons were home: Older Son: So... What are we going to do today? Father: That depends on the outcome of two phone calls at noon. (To determine opening times) Younger Son: If the first call is successful, you will live. Older Son: Define success. (I love our family.)

Bison Joke

I saw this on a card last week. I'm guessing it tickled my funny bone mostly because I lived in Western South Dakota for nearly a decade, and often saw large herds of bison (some incorrectly call the animal a buffalo).

There was a drawing of a bison standing on its hind legs, talking into a cell phone. The message read: "I love the convenience, but the roaming charges are killing me."

Oh, give me a home... (la-la-la-la-la-la!)

GORP -- Good Old Raisins and Peanuts

I saw a small baggie laying on our front wall and wondered what it was. My view was partially covered by a large pot.

"Looks like gorp," my husband said.

*Light bulbs go off!*

Sure. I remember sitting in the Michigan sunshine two days before, and eating from the bag ... Wait! Two days? In an oak-neighborhood filled with birds, squirrels and raccoons? I checked the bag. Not even a nibble-hole in it. I opened the bag and ate a handful. Yep, I may not have remembered leaving the gorp bag there, but I did remember how stale the nuts were. I nibbled on a few more, along with the raisins and M&Ms and thought how picky our neighborhood wildlife was.

It reminded me of one of our honeymoon experiences where our backpacking meal tasted so bad, we couldn't eat it. Thinking to not waste the food, but let the raccoons whom we knew abounded there have a treat in the night, we left it on the picnic table, and crawled happily into our tent. In the morning we found raccoon prints on the picnic table, but the awful-tasting meal was left untouched by the gourmet critters.

One positive thing I've learned from this experience is: chocolate doesn't get stale! So... off to finish up my M's without the GOR&P.