Friday, July 30, 2010

Be Prepared -- More Cell Phone Phun

Humor Blogs

We always try to be prepared when we go out or travel. Once when my husband was on a conference in Jackson Hole, WY (now called Jackson BTW), I decided to take the day off and travel through the Tetons taking photos. I had everything I needed -- and my husband made sure I did as well. I had the keys to the van, my driver's license, AAA card, credit cards, money, cell phone, water, and a packed lunch. A kiss good-bye, and he was off to his conference, while I was off on my photo adventure.

Just outside of Jackson is a pull-over with a sign. So I pulled over, and got out to read it. I parked and stepped into the cool autumn mountain air. When I turned around, the view of the Tetons was breathtaking. I went back to the van to get my camera. As I was pulling it out, the wind whipped the door against my elbow, and slammed the door shut. I took some awesome photos, then went to get into the van to continue my adventure.

The doors were locked. Apparently, that tricky wind knocking the door against my elbow, pressed down the lock button. I stood, alone, within sight of town, but no one around even on the road, as I looked through the van windows onto the seat at all the things I need for just such an emergency.

(The end of the story is that a kind, but rare to that pull-over, visitor let me use his cell phone to call. Then, about an hour later, a AAA truck pulled up in the pull-over. It took about ten seconds for the man set my van free, and for me to be off to see what other sort of trouble... I mean, adventure... I could get myself into.)

Kristin Chenoweth Singing "Taylor the Latte Boy"

Humor Blogs

Can't seem to get the correct url for a quick link.

For a little bit of work, it will be worth it. Check out youtube and type in: Kristin Chenoweth Singing "Taylor the Latte Boy."

Thanks to Friend Ruth for passing on this video. Wish I could have easily passed it on to you!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

A Fly On Our Wall -- Consequences

Humor Blogs

Getting ready for bed, I heard a crash coming from the kitchen as plastic things cluttered to the floor. Then came my husband's steadied, angry voice: "Whoever did that should be shot... slowly!"

Not knowing for sure what happened, but reasoning that since only two of us live in the house now, and he wasn't claiming to be the one who "did that," and only slightly worried about the consequences of my words, I said from the bedroom: "Buh... aaaaa... nnng."

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Another Michigan Road Sign

Humor Blogs

There's a road sign in Kalamazoo which reads:

"Complete left turn when traffic clears."

Um... yes.

I like my husband's response to the sign: "That takes the fun out of it!"

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Happy Anniversary, Sand Castles Blog! (a joke)

Humor Blogs

I almost let it slip past without one balloon getting burst or even licking any real or e-frosting from my lips.

It's been one whole year since I started this Sand Castles Humor Blog. Yeah. I love celebrations. Whoo. So here is a TWO FOR ONE -- a first on this blog, I do believe. I shall share my brother's one and only clean joke he knows (by his own admission):

Question: What do you get when there are 25,000 female pigs on this side of a hill, and 25,000 male deer on the facing hill, and they run down to the valley together?

(waiting... thinking...)

Answer: One hundred sows and bucks.

(If you didn't get it, say the answer quickly. Okay, more quickly. More... Got it now? Happy Anniversary, Sand Castles!)

Trying New Foods

Humor Blogs

I like familiar-comfortable in foods, but, unlike my husband, I also like to try new things.

When our sons and DIL came for a recent visit, I discovered there wasn't enough frozen mixed veggies for five adults. Solution: I grabbed another bag of veggies from the freezer -- something green and colorful; something I'd never tried before -- and added a handful to the pot.

At supper, both my boys asked at almost the same time: "Are these edamane?"

My eyes lit up in surprise. My well-cuisined sons were familiar with this new-to-me veggie. "YES!" I answered. At which time, they both confessed to have eaten the husks. I was still in eye-blinking-delight mood when I noticed they both looked a little green themselves. I was then educationed by them, neither for the first nor the last time, about the proper way to eat edamane.

Oh, well. The discussion at the table then went to eating fiber and trees.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

YouTube Truth -- The Difference Between Men and Women

Humor Blogs

Now they finally admit it... Women enjoy nice, tranquil walks through the woods. Men are from Mars!

(Took a while for me to get a YouTube account working. THAT wasn't funny.)
Check out my one and only (so far) cyber video:

Thursday, July 15, 2010

From Tragedy, Humor in Reporting

Humor Blogs

A very sad incident happened here in MI in 1998. Five members of a family were executed. The murderer attempted to escape today, and was shot in the head. It brought to mind the tragedy to all involved in it.

HOWEVER, in an article reported on the irony of the case, that he was shot in the head, like he'd done to his victims, the reporter quoted the prosecuting lawyer as saying, "What you sew, you shall reap."

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

1940's Joke

Humor Blogs

To reveal inner revelation, repeat after me:
Oh whah (Oh, whah)
Ta goo (Ta goo)
Siam (Siam).

Now say it faster..., and faster..., and faster.

(Get it?)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Wedding Humor Story

Humor Blogs

Another story from when our son got married & my dad...

As mother-of-the-groom, one of my jobs was to walk down the aisle and light my son's candle for him to have available for the unity candle. So mother-of-the-bride and mother-of-the-groom walked down the aisle together, lit our candles, then retreated. I was then escorted down the aisle back to the first pew, and sat next to my father. In his none-too-quiet voice, he turned to me and said, "Well, aren't YOU special."

Monday, July 12, 2010

Wedding Joke -- Here Comes The Bride

Humor Blogs

I went to a wedding this weekend. It reminded me of "a funny" which happened to my sister when she got married several years ago.

Our father was pushing 80, and on a drug which gave him lousy short-term memory, as well as release any inhabitions he may have had. My sister planned an outdoor wedding. It downpoured. The only shelter was a walk-around porch around 2 sides of a nearby building, which was locked. So half the guests stood along one side, while the other half stood along the other. Dad walked my sister down the aisle.

He knew it was her wedding. He knew there was no music. So he decided to add his own.

"Here comes the bride...," he started singing in his booming bass voice. My sister felt warm and wonderful. Her daddy was singing to her when all other music for her wedding had failed. "... Big, fat and wide..." he concluded in his same loud voice.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Chain-Reaction Vomit

Humor Blogs

I was substitute teaching for the first time in this one kindergarten class. The classroom arrangement had six children sitting around each round table, with a basket of pencils, markers, scissors, etc. in the middle. It was early in the school year, so the kids were hardly used to having their own teacher, let alone a sub. Still, the day was going well... until...

One child threw up.

That wouldn't have been so bad, except that instead of vomiting in the bathroom, or even on the floor, he let it go forward -- towards the center of the round table.

That wouldn't have been so bad, except that as I turned to the sound, I witnessed three others at his table following suit. Before I could respond even with a step forward, a couple other students at other tables joined in the fun.

Thankfully, gone are the days when the teachers have to do the cleaning up. Yes, my friends, there is something good to say about contagious diseases from bodily fluids.

"Everyone up!" I commanded.

The little ones didn't hesitate in obeying this stranger-adult.

"We're going for a walk."

School policy (I knew because our two sons went to the school) was that anyone who vomited was sent home for the day. I marched the entire class down to the office. Dropped off the six green kids, explaining that, in IMO, only one child, the first "offender," was actually ill. Then, I took the kids outside for a walk around the school -- a couple times. (The school did not have a playground, but thankfully the fall weather was fine for a fresh-aired walk.) When we returned the windows were opened, the messes were cleaned up, and gone was any reminder-smell.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Fish Joke (Twice Told)

Humor Blogs

Question: What did the little fish say when it hit its head against the concrete wall?
Answer: Dam.

LONG VERSION (which happened yesterday; and yes, Ross is an adult) --
Jeff: What did the little fish say when it hit its head against the concrete wall?
Ross: (looking at Sandy for a hint)
Sandy: Oh ___ ...
Ross (moving his lips like a fish, and turning to Jeff): OH-WOH-WOH.
Sandy: No, Ross. That's not the answer. It was Oh-Something.
Jeff: It wasn't Oh-Something. Ask me the question back, Ross.
Ross (thinking...): What did the little fish say when it hit its head against the cement wall?
Jeff: It wasn't a cement wall. It was concrete.
Ross: What's the difference?
Jeff: (Gave explanation of the difference)
Ross: Oh. Okay. So, what did the little fish say when it hit its head against the concrete wall?
Jeff: Dam.
Ross: (Mouth dropped open and eyes popping out of his head at Jeff saying "that word.")
Sandy (laughing): It's a three-letter word, Ross, not a four-letter one!
Ross: Oh-h-h!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Mystery Solved: Which Came First?

Humor Blogs

We had egg salad sandwiches for lunch.
We're having crock-pot chicken for supper.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

4th of July Joke

Humor Blogs

An old, but true-blue joke for the 4th of July...

Question: Do people in the UK observe the 4th of July?

Answer: Yes. And the 5th and the 6th and the 7th of July, too.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Spilled package of Seed

Humor Blogs

I'm sure these things must happen to other people, only, they simply don't confess them like I do.

1) It was dark-ish, more like dark twilight.
2) I was tidying up the kitchen,
3) ... in my summertime bare feet,
4) ... without turning on the light.

There's just something about the l-o-n-g evenings of June and July which thrill me -- enough to not use lights until I'm almost ready for bed. It used to drive me crazy as a kid to have to go to bed in the summer while it was still light out. But as an adult, I love that deepening twilight time.

So, there I was, tidying the kitchen counter in the dark, when I came across an opened package of bean seeds. I knew it was beans because I had just planted a third crop of them earlier that day. The top of the package was folded over. I picked it up to move it to the other seeds, where it belonged.

However, I soon discovered that even though the top was folded, not only was I holding the package upside down, but it wasn't bean seeds after all. Tiny radish seeds sprinkled out past the folds and over the kitchen floor.

Ever step on radish seeds, in the dark, in bare feet? As a kid, the soles of my feet would have been too calloused to notice such things. As a twilight adult, seeming rather like the Princess and the Pea, I felt every single tiny bugger work its pain up to my brain as I made my way over to the light switch where I brushed off my soles and went to find a broom and dustpan.

All right. Confess up. Anyone else ever do something like that?