Potato Vote Joke

As I was peeling potatoes for supper, my husband says to me:
How do potatoes vote?
The EYES have it.

Quitting Smoking

As a child, my husband found a way to stop his parents from smoking: Throw up in the car. As they traveled the 4 hours to visit relatives, his parents would smoke. The smoke nauseated the little boy, making him vomit. They found that quitting smoking was simpler than cleaning up the car after every trip.

As an adult, my husband's brother finally quit smoking. He tried to convince my husband into quitting, too, rattling off several methods he found which worked. Brother-in-law talked on and on, not paying any attention to either history or the present. My husband never smoked.

Talking To Plants

I was talking to my plants while I watered them.

Somehow -- I don't really know how it works; I just know it does -- a parent's inner sense notices the silence of a child near or far. My son was about 5 years old, standing behind me. I turned and smiled at him.

There was a long pause before he finally confronted me: "Were you talking to the plants, Mom?"

"Um... yes. But in reality, it's my carbon dioxide which I release with each breath which helps them to live, just like their making oxygen help us humans to live."

I could see his little brain turning these things over in his mind. Then my offspring, the firstborn of my womb, walked up to the shelf of plants. I anticipated him also speaking sweet and kind words to them. He opened his little lips and said, "HAAAAA," breathing over them rather like a water hose.

Shepherds' Free Time Video

I don't normally forward or post links, but for a delightful ha-ha moment, check out this short video about what sheperds do in their spare time. Really.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1137883380?bctid=17075685001

The Honesty of Youth

It was Youth Sunday -- the youth of the church were doing everything except for the sermon. When it came time for the offering to be collected, Kayla stood at the lectionary mic and announced: "Now the guys will come take your money."

New Diet Guarenteed to Work

1) Chomp on Chex Mix (popcorn kernel or plain nuts will do)
2) Raggedly crack off 1/3 - 1/2 of a molar
3) Don't eat or talk for 3 days waiting for a temporary crown (exceptions: may eat room temperature soft foods -- scrambled eggs, applesauce, etc., and drink rm temp water)

Testimony: I lost 5 pounds in 3 days. (And pretty sure I'll gain it back when I start eating regularly once more.)

Happy New Year, Everyone.