"Kick Me" Signs

Decades ago, it was funny (to some people) to tape a sign to someone's back saying, "Kick me."

As my husand drove through town the other day, it seemed like every half a block someone pulled out in front of us, and not very safely, either. He commented, "I someone must have put a sign on our front grill reading, "Turn in front of here. NOW."

Ice Storm

... So I'm walking down our street today, trying to get some good photos of this storm. The ice-covered snow is so thick that my steps don't even crunch through. I took my time, walking with care. Didn't want to slip. I have pictures of icy berries, icy branches, icy forest, icy wires, icy lots of things.

Last night, police sirens kept me awake. They continue going off now and then this morning, too. I imagined all the accidents I'd read about in the past 18 hours. During my 45-minute trek, about five cars passed by, barely traveling faster than I was walking. I thought how foolish they were, driving on ice.

... So I'm in this wooded area, stepping over fallen branches, looking for good shots, when I notice the swaying trees above me. Hmm... 20 mph gusts predicted today... power outages have already happened in the area... with more expected as icy branches take out electrical wires.

I quickly -- but carefully -- waddle my way towards home, praying the branches won't spike me as they fall, wondering just who the foolish person is who is out in this icy weather today.

President's Day Joke, Part I

Teacher: "Emily, do you know Lincoln's Gettysburg Address?"
Emily: "Doesn't he live in Washington D.C.?"

Valentine's Day Joke

I love substitute teaching for middle schoolers, dealing with kids and all their emotional angst. If I'm with a particularly "attitude" class, I write on the white board in huge letters: I Y Q. I then have the students read the letters back to me, loudly. After they shout, "I Y Q," I grin at them and with an honest twinkle in my eye, reply, "Golly, thanks. I like you, too."

Sasquatch or Squamous?

The other day I was in the dermatologist's office, and for the life of me, couldn't remember the type of cancer called "squamous."

I stuttered, "It's squa-- squa-- Sasquatch!" Then I burst out laughing, knowing that wasn't the right word, but the only word which filtered to my lips.

As my husband and I walked down the hall at the end of our visit, we could hear the laughter follow us as our PA told the nurses the story of my word substitution.